The Power of Permission: A Student's Story by Jenny Maro

Jenny in Ustrasana

I have been the fat girl since I was 9 years old.

I remember when I was younger and thinner my mother always took me to dance classes (tap, ballet, jazz). It stopped at 9. I don't recall why, however, since that point I began thinking there were just things you were not allowed to do if you weren't thin enough. I would, as I grew older, sometimes try activities but if I saw that I was only fat person in the room I would feel uncomfortable and any time I missed a step or couldn't pick up on a move as a fast as others I'd shut down and move on.

Yoga was one of those activities. I had tried a few dvds but my body could not do what the skinny people on the TV could. Years later I had begun learning belly dance from Angie Hay. This lead me to face the fact that body size didn't restrict me from anything, my own beliefs were the only limitation. Angie decided to take yoga teacher training. She offered to teach a series of yoga classes to prepare for her evaluation. Here was an opportunity to see if I could get past my limiting belief about my size and practice yoga. Turns out I could. 

When Angie and Joyce began offering classes by and for the fuller bodied yogi, I happily signed up. Where I'd often felt self conscious in classes being the big and awkward student at Yoga Enlarged I am not distracted by my size. Angie and Joyce often offer modifications without students having to ask. I feel empowered to ask for additional instruction if my particular curves need a different work around. Angie and Joyce answer without making me feel awkward or that I am distracting from the rest of the class. They are thoughtful, mindful, resourceful and educated. The class is embracing and a haven where I do not feel my body takes up too much space, or that I have to punish myself or apologize for my size. It is a safe space where I can freely experiment with what my body can accomplish without feeling like I have to force it into a pose the way a skinny person would.